Why I Teach About Following

It seems like every time I make a post about following and how I mostly follow in my relationship, someone will heroically swoop into the comments section to say "I find that we switch who is leading and who is following."


First of all, I don't believe you know what you're saying.


Second of all, even if you do, *I don't care.*


I'm not posting about lead/follow dynamics because I think there's a right way that everyone should be occupying these roles. I don't think all women should follow. I don't think all men should lead. (I KNOW, dear god, people, that relationships do not only occur between men and women, I just stay in my damn lane. Try it sometime.) I know my situation is fairly unique, I like it that way, and I'm using it very specifically to teach about following.


I want to teach about following because the role itself is poorly understood. When I ask for questions about following, the responses show me just how tragically unknown the power and art of following really is.


That's why I don't believe that these warriors of gender equality are actually switching up who leads and who follows--my guess is that in most cases where people would say this, neither partner is ever leading or following powerfully, which is also not wrong, but it's definitely not what I'm talking about. Relationships can thrive without lead/follow dynamics, and many of them do!


I'm writing about this for the people who get a shock of intrigue when I say I follow my partner's lead. I'm writing for those who are curious to know what it's like, even if they never pursue following or leading within a relationship.


Following is a high-level relational practice. It's certainly not for everyone. Speaking only about dance, a friend of mine once said "followers are like zen masters." I find this to be true in relationships, and I want to share what I know about the blissful zen of following a man's lead. I think there are women out there who deserve to know this peace and intentionality. I think there are men out there who are at their wits' end with women who say they want leadership and have no clue how to artfully follow.


I want women who want leadership from men to know how to receive it 100% of the time they want it. I want them to know the difference between a man offering leadership and one offering subjugation. I want them to recognize the subtle leadership they are receiving from gentle men. I want to empower women to stop being obedient, abandoning their inner authority, and collapsing the frame of their life when a "leader" comes along.


There are narcissistic men and teachers getting away with murder because there's no real information out there about what it means to follow, how NOT following is an essential part, how the leader is not the authority, and how both partners remain responsible for their weight and balance at all times.


I want to bring following into the light, explain how it looks in relationship, and reveal all the false ideas of following that create injury and abuse in relationships. I'm grateful for all those of you who are excited and on board for this--it's really delightful to me. I know this information is electric, juicy, lifechanging. I am thrilled to be sharing it and being received.

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