Many women come to me wanting to be more feminine, and they think that this will happen through them relaxing.
It doesn't happen like that.
Many men come to me wanting to be more masculine, to be seen as powerful and confident from the perception of women, and they think that this will happen through them understanding their own power.
It doesn't happen like that.
In both cases, the same thing happens--we bring their masculine into integrity, which means bringing it in service to the feminine, and then the feminine flourishes and luxuriates, within them and without.
The true mandate of the masculine is to serve the feminine.
Our culture's "patriarchy" is corrupt because it is masculine out of divine service, masculine that serves the masculine.
This is the difference between a pot that holds a plant and a pot stacked up in a tower of other pots. A job that makes a ton of money and gives no free time off, versus a fulfilling career that honors and leaves space for family and rest.
One is serving life, the other is not.
When we bring a woman's masculine into service, her own feminine flourishes and she does relax, but it isn't relaxing that makes her feminine feel safe--it is her own masculine element coming into service for her.
Feminine women whose masculine is not in service are stressed, over-worked, poorly boundaried, emotionally exhausted all the time, prone to emotional outbursts, martyred, and obedient. It's not that she is "too masculine," her feminine is in hiding because nothing in the world can keep her feeling safe--the threat is inside the house.
When we bring a man's masculine into service, his feminine flourishes, and he also becomes a magnet for safe feminine women, the kind he would actually want to date. Masculine men whose masculine is not in service either do not capture or hold the attention of any women, or capture and hold attention of women in emotionally volatile relationships that give neither of them peace. He busts his ass and nothing he does is good enough. He feels ashamed and discouraged, constantly. It's not that he doesn't know his worth or his power, it's that he's not guarding and directing it.
The masculine in service holds and keeps a safe place of nourishment for the feminine. It's an invitation so compelling, she cannot resist. There is protection, of course, but far more than protecting, the masculine maintains safety by eliminating all threat through the use of discernment and energetic boundaries.
Once this essential service is in place, the feminine can actually show up, and the devotional-service relationship between the masculine and feminine within begins to truly blossom. Once it's rolling, it feels so good that both parts are craving more and more ways to serve each other. This happens simultaneously within and without.
Within themselves, my clients notice previously unexplored territories of self-love, safety, pleasure, joy, and emotional capacity. They completely rework their understanding of their past selves and find a brand new narrative that is much more gentle and approving of who they have always been and what they want to create in their present and future.
In their relationships, my clients begin to have brand new experiences of others. They rework their understanding of duty and obligation, authority, leadership, and following, and maintain non-negotiable self nourishment. They experience safety in intimacy, security in uncertainty, the capacity and range to sit with emotions that used to drive them into panic, and relationships that are full of peace, love, and respect. Their relationships with others no longer come at the cost of themselves, but leave space for all experiences to be true and valuable.
Eventually they transcend conflict altogether.
The masculine in service is a beautiful thing--the key that turns the lock, opening the door to endless possibilities of union.