Often I ask him, after a full weekend with friends, or a week or two in a foreign country, "What has your favorite part of this experience been?"
He says the same thing every time.
"That sex we had last night."
He's sincere and I don't mock him. I'm quietly awed and honored by this each time he says it, and somehow each time it surprises me.
When women speak about men's desire for and attachment to sex, we're often derisive, as if there are more important things for him to care about. As if sex shouldn't be so important to him.
This disdain is shaped by our own wounding. Men whose attachment to sex was greater than their attachment to humanity have hurt us in a thousand ways. It will continue to do so for as long as we give it our attention.
Our culture churns out men who are dulled, deadened, and numbed to the impact they have. Men who are undernourished and demanding and clawing their nourishment from women.
But these distortions are cut from a divine material. Sex is sacred to men in a way women are unwilling to understand. It's a complicated, almost unbearable understanding to allow. It casts all sex crimes in a newer, harsher light--how damaged someone has to be to commit such a crime.
Sex is essential to men in ways that I do not fully understand, I only understand that there is something there that I do not understand.
For men, sex is their communion with divinity in the flesh. It is the way they most profoundly experience the love and receiving of the feminine, their worthiness, their acceptability. Especially for men who have not been taught or claimed their language around emotions, sex is a way to communicate all that must remain unspoken.
They are dying to be understood, to be felt, to be known, and when a woman lets them in deeply, they receive this.
I'm surprised to hear that our sex is his favorite part of every trip, of every span of time at home, but when I consider it, it's not actually all that surprising.
Our sex is deeply connected, deeply nourishing, and very fun. I receive and honor him fully, I open to allow him inside of me, and that union brings both of us immense pleasure, grounding, and release.
I am secure in the knowledge that I am valuable to him for infinite reasons--emotional, spiritual, intellectual--so I have to honor the fact that sex for him transcends all of these reasons, or else encompasses them. It's one of many differences between us that I treasure and revere.