top of page

The Conflict IS The Boundary

People often cite relational misery and conflict as a reason why they need better boundaries.

What they're not getting is that misery and conflict ARE the boundaries.

If it got worse you would leave.

If it got better you would make it worse.

Because the *real* thing at work is your standards for the experience you are willing to have and are therefore creating for yourself.

Your boundaries are the standards for your life in action.

Until you actually embody new standards, more communication of what's going wrong in your relationship and what needs to happen will only drain the energy. (Which is actually a service to the connection but that's a whole other thing...)

Embodying new standards is not easy, and it happens gradually. Perhaps if you look backwards at your relationships through this lens, you'll see evidence of how it works.

If you want help going forward, I'm here. Check out The Boundary Course or gift yourself a boundary breakthrough session with me live on zoom.

I'm loving you.


8 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Living open requires exquisite boundaries. First, what are boundaries? Boundaries are many things, but for the sake of this piece, we are going to speak about boundaries as points of connection. That

When I was a child, my mom taught me about the "uh oh" feeling. There's a little voice in you, and when it says "uh oh..." you listen. You get out of there, you get safe. When you have an "uh oh" feel

Boundaries are about where your attention goes. In our culture there’s an idea that boundaries require defense of those boundaries. There was a time when boundaries for me meant I would construct a hu