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Matching and Mirroring

When I taught partner dance, I would tell beginner couples that they needed to match pitch and mirror movement.

Matching is when you do the same thing as your partner. They pitch their body back, you pitch your body back. They pitch their body forward, you pitch your body forward.

Mirroring is when you complement your partner's movement. They move to their left, and you, facing them, move to your right.

If you match when you ought to mirror or mirror when you ought to match, you're gonna have a bad time.

This is true in relationships as well. Not just romantic ones, but all relationships. We're constantly being presented with energy we can match or mirror. In dance, it's easy to know and to see when to mirror and when to match. It's so easy that it's actually rare to do it wrong.

But in relationships, it's not so easy to know when to mirror and when to match. This is why people are often giving out what they hope to receive, even though that usually prevents them from receiving it. In order to receive, you must occupy the complement to your receiving. By offering what you want to receive, you only attract the complement to it and never the thing itself. If you want someone to listen, you have to be talking. If you listen, they will talk.

This confusion is also at the root of the frustration of people who run away from connection hoping to be pursued. Leaning away from a relationship inspires matching from others rather than mirroring--you lean away, they'll also usually lean away.

So much contortion has been popularized to manage these fundamental energetic errors. Much of the communication and processing required in relationships is only required because, missing these fundamental understandings, connection is continually collapsing and needing to be restored. When you understand where to match and where to mirror, the connection can sustain without a lot of verbal communication and processing.

Teaching these energy-mandates is one of the ways that Follow School will make your relationships easier and more peaceful.

Less talky-talk. More fucky-fuck.

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