Learning To Follow

Part of my "why" for creating Follow School is because I know there are women out there who are exhausted, depleted, desperate for their partner to step. the fuck. up.

There are women who want him to lead, who feel powerless and helpless because he just WON'T. They're trying to get him to go to seminars or a men's group, or else begging to see a couple's therapist, or else on his case about getting a therapist of his own.

Honestly, it's a great idea for this man to get an outside perspective. Hopefully that person would be able to point out the way that his woman isn't really on board with her own desire. How, to cover that up, she's created mandates and demands he can't really fulfill so that she won't have to confront that her lack of skill as a follower.

She's not good at sitting back. (Especially if that means watching someone else do it wrong.)

She's not good at receiving, being served. (She's probably been served some truly heinous shit in the past.)

She's not ready to relax, she has no place to channel all of this energy running through her at all times. She can go at 100% or 0%, there is no in between. (Going slowly is actually excruciating for her.)

The thing is that I can't blame her. I was this woman, and I can't blame myself.

No one taught us to follow. No one taught us how to influence a situation with desire rather than criticism. No one taught us how to graciously receive, or how to repair our receiving after violation. No one taught us our natural slowness, our easy rhythm, the knowing in our bodies of divine perfect timing, and how to weave those components to make art.

No one taught us that our pleasure matters, that our enjoyment is an elixer for the world.

I had to teach myself. Now I have to teach you. It's the best kind of "have to," the one born of pursuing my desire to her mandate, the ecstasy of knowing exactly what to do and loving every minute of the process.

I can't wait to share it with you.