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I Don't Care if They're Trustworthy

Here's a dynamic I have noticed playing out when I come off my center (bearing in mind that coming off-center always puts me back on-center, though the correction is often painful):

If I feel the trustworthiness of someone, and especially if they're attached to receiving my trust as a sign of their worthiness, I'll often demonstrate trust that is actually out of integrity with myself and my boundaries.

I embody the notion that something outside of me determines whether or not I trust when I decide to trust based on whether or not someone is trustworthy.

When I am centered, I don't get confused by this dynamic. Someone's desire for any performance on my part to prove their own worthiness is a red flag. And someone else's trustworthiness has nothing to do with whether or not I am vulnerable.

When I am centered, I mete out my vulnerability according to my own standards. I don't get ahead of myself no matter how safe and trustworthy the other person is. If they're trustworthy now, they'll be trustworthy when I'm ready to share that with them. Anyone who is *really* worthy of my trust and vulnerability would never want me to rush my process of trust.

All of this stands completely apart from mistrustfulness. According to my boundaries, the barest sense of mistrust means I give that person a wide, wide berth. Whether they don't trust me or I don't trust them, either way that is a dealbreaker for any type of relationship. I would not work with such a person, be friends, or date such a person. I have held to this standard for myself even when my close friends become close friends with such a person. MY trust is for ME to reserve. I choose whether and how I engage in relationships with others, regardless of the relationships other people have with them.

Again, mistrustfulness has nothing to do with whether or not another person is trustworthy. My own sense of trust or mistrust is the only factor worthy of consideration. I don't need to prove someone is untrustworthy to reserve my trust. I don't rely on someone else's trustworthiness to keep me safe.

I share myself, my truth, and my vulnerability with the world according to my own standards because I get to feel completely safe the entire time. I get to choose based on my sense of safety and my intuition, and anyone who is offended by this process doesn't belong in my life anyway.

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