When I say that I follow his leadership, I mean that I don't ask him whether he gave the taxi driver the right address or if he's bought our train tickets yet or when he will buy them or how.
I DON'T mean that he gets insecure and tells me I'm not allowed to have friends anymore and I say "OK my darling king, anything for the privilege of loving you."
He leads *in our relationship.* Not in my life. My life is more than our relationship.
But in our relationship, he leads and I follow, mostly.
When he's handling something, I trust that he's got it. I don't second-guess him and pester him with doubts and criticisms.
If I'm not gonna trust that he's got it, I'm not gonna give it to him. I deserve to have my shit 100% handled to a high standard. That means I handle it 100% to a high standard, or I turn over all 100% to someone I'm going to trust to handle it to a high standard. Those are the only two options.
And when he's leading, it's not that I'm not leading. I am actively FOLLOWING. Following is a cocreative role, as important and influential as leading.
I am radiating joy and appreciation. I am noticing small delights and calling his attention there. I am identifying and expressing desires early and often, so there's never an emergency to handle. I am dropping away my anxiety and getting myself on board. I am supporting myself through all doubt and emotionality so that the leader's job is easy. I am tuning the space, keeping my energy up and clean, and directly and indirectly improving his experience. I am keeping responsibility for my weight and balance the whole time, so that we are playing and having fun with the dance of the moment.
Following is a role that has flown under the radar and been misinterpreted as oppression, subjugation, obedience. I mean to shine a light on following, on its power and agency and motherfucking ARTISTRY and if this is compelling to you, know that I have a powerful offering coming through around this right now. I invite you to show your desire for it, as I begin to reveal it.