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Excuses Are Not Boundaries

If you have trouble setting boundaries, you might be making even more trouble for yourself by giving excuses.

An excuse is the opposite of a boundary, because boundaries are based in an understanding of your sovereignty, while excuses are based on the understanding that you have obligations.

It's an excuse because it excuses you from doing something. The only reason you need to be excused from something is if it's assumed or expected that you will do it.

The Boundary Course is designed to change these fundamental assumptions that underlie your practice of setting and holding boundaries.

An excuse is an endorsement that by default, you'd be showing up, doing the thing, or saying yes to the request. You're only *not* doing that because of the excuse. As such, excuses begin a negotiation rather than being the decisive answer we all hope they will be when we give them. This can lead to the experience that you're trying to set boundaries and experiencing endless pushback.

But great boundaries come from you and all those in your life understanding that you don't owe anyone a goddamn thing. Not a stitch of your energy, a moment of your time, a flicker of your attention--NOTHING.

Understanding this, far from being permission to be a shitty friend or family member, actually opens you into your greatest benevolence.

Because when you understand that you don't owe anyone anything, THAT is when you're *actually* giving. That is when generosity is possible. That's when kindness and care are really the motivation behind what you do.

Otherwise, you're not being generous, you're doing your duty. You're not being kind, you're being decent. You're not caring, you're doing what's expected.

And, in case you didn't notice, you're not getting appreciation in those cases where you're doing what's expected. You might even be accused of "doing the bare minimum" or "not going above and beyond." You might even be the one accusing yourself of these crimes.

The Boundary Course is based on affirmations. It empowers you to create a new understanding of the relationships and requests you encounter in your life. It resets your sense of what's expected of you, so that you understand yourself as a sovereign being whose default answer to everything is "no" unless you are being overwhelmingly generous and giving.

This mindset draws in people who profoundly appreciate all that you bring to their lives. It releases you from people who will take from you until the cows come home, and all the resentment that accompanies a life full of those relationships. This mindset unlocks your true generosity and devotion, first and foremost to yourself. It is the way out of reciprocity and transactional relationships, into the place of cooperation and devotion.

No excuses. You deserve it.

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