Clients often come to me because they want to create a relationship for themselves like the one I have.
The relationship I have is a partnership based in devotion, with no conflict or compromise, little to no processing, no lapses in connection where we need to reconnect. We both get to be free, be all of ourselves, and have a supportive buddy ready to snuggle and fuck.
Fortunately, I know exactly how I got into this relationship and what makes me attractive to a man who can hold this dynamic, so I can teach my clients what they need to know.
One of the most crucial distinctions is between the divine masculine and an exquisite human male.
I see it all the time--women talking about the divine masculine and whether a man fully embodies this or not, how to tell if he does, and helpful instructions for men who wish to do so.
It's something I noticed about my partner that initially made me so attracted to him--he is a beautiful channel for the divine masculine.
But that is not all he is.
Because my partner is a human man. So he is also a channel to the divine feminine. But that's not all.
He is also, unlike the divine feminine or the divine masculine, a limited being.
He gets tired, his capacity is limited, he needs rest and space from me (and everyone), and even if he could, he would not hold me all the time.
This is the thing I noticed about my partner that cemented my attraction to him in place; the way he carries, represents, preserves, and provides for his limitations.
This is humility. The reverence for my limitations, for the limitations of others, for limitation as a fact of human existence.
I love that I am limited. I love that he is limited. I love that limitation is part of this game we play when we sign up to be human.
Many people do not have their perfect partner because their understanding of perfection excludes limitation or labels it as failure. Still more people who have their perfect partner do not experience the perfection available there, for the same reason.
When I moved beyond the idea that my partner and my partnership needed to be unlimited to be perfect, I was able to discern the difference between men who were in integrity with their limitation and men who are not.
A man who is out of integrity with his own limitation is insecure, demanding, impatient, and volatile, and these qualities have a range of expression from SadBoy to LameDuck to FuckBoi to Abuser. This is the man a lot of women find when they seek a relationship with the Divine Masculine in human form. Because that doesn't actually exist, they find only skillful pretenders, not knowing that the experience they're actually seeking will look completely different.
A man who is in integrity with his own limitation is secure, accommodating, patient, and steady, and these qualities can be challenging to identify, because they are very subtle.
The man who is out of integrity will sometimes be patient, sometimes accommodating, sometimes seem steady and secure, so looking for these qualities in a man will not tell you for sure.
You have to look for the thing underneath. What is his relationship to limitation, that of others and his own?
In order to see it, you have to examine your own relationship to limitation. You have to grieve for the part of you that is capable of wanting something unlimited, and you have to allow that part to have a secure relationship with things that are *actually* unlimited, like your higher power.
Only then can you fully appreciate a partner who is in relationship with his limitation. Only then can you experience the way he is a channel for divinity and humanity at the same time, and receive the perfection of all of it.