Can I change a man by being more feminine?
There’s a polarity conversation going on about how femininity changes relationships and changes men.
Let me be clear: nothing will change a man who disregards your pain. If he can see your pain and he doesn't treat it as material, nothing about your posture can shift that.
🔒 If you’ve been acting tough while your heart is breaking
🔒 If you’ve been attacking him as a way to keep the spotlight off yourself
🔒 If you’ve been critical of him in times of your own inevitable bloodshed
🔒 If you’ve blamed him and shut down to him for how you felt when you were under-resourced
⚔️ You can come to show him just how it hurts, with no agenda about what happens next--radically trusting him to love you in your pain.
⚔️ You can defuse your judgments of yourself and feel proud to meet your own wholeness, feel so good about yourself that you're overflowing with desire to build him up.
⚔️ You can ruthlessly guard space for your pain, expect it, plan for it and treat it with honor, without needing to assign its arrival to any one circumstance of the moment.
⚔️ You can learn to vulnerably show him where and how you need nourishment from him--again trusting that he will go to war for your right to be nourished and for your sovereign right to claim it via whatever trial life has in store for you.
In short, you can embrace your own wholeness. Not just the soft and sweet but the wild and reckless. You can be with your own chaos, stewarding it and protecting HIM from it, as the warrior queen.
You can mother the child within yourself and give love to the little boy within him when he wanders in like a neglected neighbor kid.
You can witness his bloodshed and leave him bleeding—the mother gives us all experience and all craving for experience, as a gift. She watches us endure it like watching us open a gift.
The way a man shows up to a woman who shows up to HIM this way is completely different than how he shows up to the tough woman, the attacking woman, the critical woman, the woman who paints him as a perpetrator.
HE doesn't change. A new part of him is inspired and called forth to act in new conditions. Suddenly that same man is acting in conditions that feel VASTLY safer and more loving to him.
You WILL see different behavior from a man when you interact from a state of respect and responsibility for the wholeness of your own being, whether that means embodying more of your feminine or more of your masculine--being softer or containing yourself more securely.
The people around you do not change, you infuse the world with new conditions.
Turn up the heat in the room and people shed layers.
To the extent that people are in their bodies, in response to the conditions of the world, this changes their behavior.
But it won't change a man.