One of the myths I debunk in The Boundary Course is that boundaries are rules that others follow in order to deserve relationships with me.
I, myself used to believe this, and I only chose differently because "rules" weren't delivering the experience of relationships I wanted.
When I believed that others needed to follow my rules, I always had a reason to complain. I always had a way of blaming the other person for the shitty experience I was having.
But I didn't have a way to have a new experience.
I was stuck in a shitty experience, and it was little comfort to know that was someone else's fault.
It felt miserable, actually, to have it be someone else's fault, firmly out of my control. Every time someone else broke the rules I reaffirmed my story that the people closest to me don't *really* love me.
I was angry and resentful all the time, my relationships centered on conflict and repair. I wasn't receiving nourishment and connection from my closest relationships--those relationships actually furthered the depletion I was experiencing.
It wasn't fun for the people close to me either. I didn't learn this until later, but with my rules I was completely disrespecting the sovereignty, desire, and free-will of those I cared most about. That was a painful realization.
But if boundaries aren't rules that other people follow, what are they?
Boundaries are what I show up for and how I show up.
Want to learn more? Get The Boundary Course and binge that shit. Don't try to use it right away. Only let it filter in. Argue with it in your head. Daydream about it. Rehearse past interactions using these skills instead of what you had at the time (with appreciation for what you did have at the time!).
This course isn't meant to labor over. It's not meant for you to try to force yourself into a new way of being.
It's meant to subtly teach you the way to receive everything you've ever wanted from relationships and life. It's meant to put you in the driver's seat of the experiences you have, and to understand that's where you are.
With good information, your choices naturally shift. It can be easy and feel safe. You deserve it like that.