We are all running systems in our lives, and the most fundamental system is the psyche--not just the mind, but the entire nervous system,

Most of us have experience shaping our own psyche. Overcoming fears, learning from failures, deciding on an identity. In thinking, this is called metacognition. So we'll call this meta-awareness, since it goes beyond thinking.

The problem with self-application of meta-awareness is that people often miss the most foundational part to examine:
 

The Value System

It's why we hide certain emotions.
It tells us what is good and bad, right and wrong.
It determines our judgement of others and ourselves.

It does all this while remaining largely undetected. We like to think that values are in some way inherent, but just like everything else, they are learned. Not just learned in our lifetimes, but stored in an imprint in our nervous systems--like how people from hot climates hate the cold. It's ancestral.

So we take it as canvas, when really it's another layer of paint.

It's possible to puzzle on a certain behavior or wound for years or even decades without realizing that it's not a matter of how you're thinking or what you're believing, but a matter of your values.

It's incredibly difficult to analyze one's own value-system. Trust me--you are not as impartial as you think you are.

So what most people need is a support person.

Only the trouble with that is that most people select a support person with a nearly identical value-system. (Our value-system biases our trust, go figure, what a neat little box to be in.)

Religious leaders, family members, longtime friends, and even therapists provide insight that preserves and does not question the value-system at its core.

This can leave someone with a value-system conflict feeling very confused and unsupported. It can lead to shame as they decide that the problem is how they're not good enough, how they want the wrong thing, how they're not satisfied with what everyone else finds perfectly fulfilling. They're ungrateful, lazy, wrong, perverted, and most of all, they need to keep this to themselves.

For some people, life in integrity and alignment means stepping WAY outside culturally-held or family-held values. Many of these people do just fine examining this on their own and with traditional support structures. They stop carrying on the family silence, racism, or abuse. They love who they want and create a supportive family for themselves.

For others, while the major things are in place, there's a small, subtle thing or a handful of subtle things, values that are so unobtrusive they go completely unnoticed, rippling through their whole experience. Like a small rock in your shoe on a long, long hike.

It seems that no one on the outside can figure out what's bothering them. It might even be that others can't tell anything's the matter at all. But this person is feeling it constantly and sometimes acutely.

This is the most delicate aspect of what I do, and why it takes as long as it takes.

First, we find the courage to say where it hurts.
Then we find the fortitude to claim that you don't deserve to hurt.

Then we really find the thing.

Then we tend it and provide it the varying conditions for healing; pristine containers, approval, cleanliness, attention, and time. We identify and celebrate progress. We advocate for accommodations and understanding from others.

You learn new ways to see, meet, and express your emotions in ways that feel cathartic and resonant for you and the standards you hold for your own behavior

At the end you feel safe. Whole. You have knowledge of your own system. You know how to meet it when intrusive thoughts kick in. You know what does and does not deserve your attention--your boundaries spring effortlessly from there. You understand your TRUE value and you treat yourself as valuable. You choose your circumstances from a state of value and for the preservation of something valuable. You know how to meet, acknowledge, and FEEL your feelings in ways that get you MORE intimacy and connection.